And He's Off! (An Interview)

An interview with G the night before he went off to Kindergarten:

(published while he's in 5th grade, IT'S FINE)

What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?  Go to the pool

What is Daddy's job?  Work

Who is your best friend?  "A" (Sister)

What is the most fun thing we did in Texas?  Look at dinosaurs at the museum

If you could only keep one toy in your house?  Choo Choos

What thing are you excited for in Kindergarten?  Choice Time

What would you like in your lunch for school?  French fries and a chocolate bar

In Lieu of a Christmas Card

Well, here we meet again on this long-neglected, humble blog a year later.

Our family did some moving on up this year.  Literally.  In elevation.  We moved 30 miles west of our old town, Reston, to our new, tiny, nestled-in-the-hills town, Round Hill.

This area is a much better fit for our family: quieter, slower-paced, a tight-knit community, great schools, and lots of outdoor activities. We already have a sweet, supportive group of friends.  And it's so beautiful, that I'm constantly thinking, "I can't believe I live here."

We are loving our new house and neighborhood.  It is absolutely full of children and families in our stage of life.  There is a fenced in backyard with a trampoline and hammock that gets lots of use in the warm weather, and a big basement with toys and a WiiU for the cold weather.  We sent all three kids to the basement to play after dinner the other night.  It was PURE MAGIC to have that option! (The basement also has a nice guest room and bath for visitors. HINT, HINT.)

The rest of the year will be told in pictures:

(I can't promise they're in order.)

This past weekend at Harpers Ferry, WV.  Our attempt at a nice family photo.

Hiking at our favorite spot, Cool Spring.  We have since moved on to scooters and bikes. 

Another favorite spot- Dirt Farm Brewery.  We're not actually huge beer drinkers, but we love the location, atmosphere and the friends that hang with us there. 

Sister started preschool this year. This is her and G the first day.  It explains their current relationship quite nicely. She loves her school, her stuffed animals, and peanut butter "swamiches".  Sister turned 4 this year and is as sweet and fun as ever.  And sassy.  We turned on the sassy this year.

In addition to becoming a team leader at work, Joe also became the Den Leader of G's Cub Scouts.  The previous den leader owned a winery that he opened up to the Scout families.  Joe does not own a winery, so he is skating by on his charm and good looks with the parents. Joe and G are having a great time together (camping! whittling!) and look oh-so-adorable in their uniforms.

G is thriving in third grade and making lots of new friends in the neighborhood.  Out here he has the opportunity to ride his bike and make forts in the woods. His current great love, though, is Texas A&M football. We couldn't be prouder!

Joshua had a big transition this year when not only did we move houses, but he got a new school, attendant, therapist, and church.  He's done fairly well over all, but there has definitely been a bit of regression from it.  He has learned to ride a scooter very well, plays with Sister and G more often and just today was given a communication device from school.  It's basically an iPad with an app that will talk for him at the beginning, but will also encourage his own speech.  *(Update- he's not sure he has any use for an iPad that only says words) This is him with his attendant, Chris.  They are pretty great together. 

Our school's color run.  We are so enjoying our new school.  We LOVE the teachers and community.  I have been substitute teaching and am really happy to be back in the classroom.

Our previous home church planted a new one in this community a little over a year ago.  Being a church plant, we have had to jump in and serve more (I'm singing again, for goodness' sake), but we are having a great time and wouldn't have it any other way. 

Joshua hanging out on the back of Quin, one of his favorite children's church workers.

I am busy making our new house into a home. Of course I have lots of projects for Joe.  The biggest one so far has been a new, bigger island. It turned out so well and I could not love it more!

 I got to meet up with my dear friends Mary and Betsy in Budapest in February for a few days.  Such a treat!  Thanks again Mom and Joe for making it happen. 

Joe got to visit our Stephensons in Norway on the way home from a work trip.  He had a little bit of fun.

Mostly, we did a lot of this: spending time together, figuring out public outings as a family, and laughing a lot.  

Merry Christmas everyone!  Lots of love from our family to yours in the New Year.

It Isn't Fair

Well, between leaving the month of thanks and entering the Christmas season, I've been getting a little introspective.

Plus, we've had a few rough months with Joshua. We're not sure if it's his normal cycle of huge growth, then plateau, then a bit of regression, repeat, or the fact that he had a huge transition into kindergarten.  But it doesn't matter how many times the cycle plays out, we always get discouraged between times of great strides.

And I think that 2016 has been a rough year for all of us: personally and collectively.  So as the year comes to a close, I have a couple of things for all of us to think about.

Stay with me. Really.

Several months ago a friend and I were lamenting about our sons' (different) special needs and she made the comment that it's not fair that our children deal with such challenges when others don't.  And at the time I agreed. But then I sat on that for awhile and I realized that it's not.  It's not fair that I live in a country where my son has access to therapy and education tailored to his needs.  It's not fair that he was born to parents able to provide for him; grandparents that champion him and spoil him as much as possible; friends and a church family that seek to understand him and love him the way he is.  There are many, many little Moroccan Joshuas that will never have any of those things.

And then, today in church our pastor referenced the passage wherein Jesus tells the Rich Man that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.  I've always considered myself NOT a part of that crowd; the wealthy crowd. But you know what?  I so am.  In fact, almost every person reading this is a part of that crowd.  Wealthy by American standards?  No.  But by the world's standard, I am FILTHY, DRIPPING rich.  Not only do I have a warm home and soft beds for my kids to sleep in, but they have food in their tummies, and I'll be able to buy them presents for Christmas.  I know that for you guys I don't need to list all the facts about world poverty, but if you have any doubts as to how well off you are, go visit worldbank.org.

So, yeah, that isn't fair either.

(I'm not going to go into all of the spiritual implications of the fact that I AM the rich man trying to get into heaven in this post.)

It's pretty much the same call we hear every year from spiritual and secular sources alike: Be Thankful! Tis the Season to Give! Jesus is the Reason for the Season! I guess I want to challenge each of you to look for the wealth in your own life, even when you're struggling month to month. Look for the thing in your life that isn't fair...(not "it isn't fair that I don't have a bigger house", but "it isn't fair that I have health insurance and others don't")

Will this make me a better person?  Not quite. But hopefully little by little during this Christmas season, I will dwell less on myself and the things I want, and more on Christ and serving others.

And you know, it would bless me so, so much if you would comment (on Facebook) the reason your life isn't fair.

P.S. Full disclosure, I totally don't have the upper hand on this situation of being thankful and not wanting more. After I watched our town's tree lighting the other night, I ducked into J.Crew's 40% off sale to buy not just a Christmas present for Joe, but a couple of things for myself.  (Would I be admitting this if not caught by the Borkholder family right outside the door?  Not sure.)

Well, They Left Us (You'll Be back)

The Stephensons pulled out of town earlier this month.  As I processed my anger over them leaving us, Mary liked to remind me that I previously left her.  Yes. I left her in Morocco with full-time house help, a huge house and backyard, and Southern California weather.  Boo hoo.

Us then:

Oh my word, look at those little people. 

When we left them, a tradition of a good-bye performance was established. I hesitate to post this because of my cackling in the background.  It's true. I don't have a lady-like laugh.

Matt serenades us:

We never dreamed in Morocco that we would soon have two years of four doors down from each other.  Such a gift.

Us now:

Joshua's still trying to get out of Joe's arms.

We serenade them:

Perhaps the best part is the children's commentary in the background/Scout's dancing.  And Hamilton fans, did you catch the comment about King George's song?

We love you crazy Stephensons.  Come back to us soon.  

Like really soon.

He's a Bloomin'

That Joshua boy.  He has done some big time blooming and growing in the last couple of months.

There are so many things we take for granted when it comes to early child development.  It's easy to think about in an abstract way, but we are face to face with it everyday watching Joshua and Scout (sister) develop side-by-side.

I've talked about this before, but it constantly amazes us how Scout learns so naturally.  She adds new words everyday.  She imitates us in actions and speech so effortlessly.  I haven't explicitly taught her anything in the way of numbers or colors and yet she observes and is starting to pick them up.  We are so, so grateful for her "normal" development thus far.

We recently potty-trained her.  That "we" being Mom and me.  Joe really lucked out on this one.  He was out of town for work and I had the genius, seriously, genius idea to do the main potty push while I had another adult with me at home all day.  Thanks Mom! And in the weeks following it has been such a huge difference from when we trained Joshua in the fall because SCOUT TELLS ME WHEN SHE NEEDS TO GO. Oh happy day.  It has made the process so much smoother.

Because Joshua has never told us.

We just take him periodically and hope for the best.  A lot of the time at home he will go to the bathroom by himself- we just have to listen for the clang of the toilet seat and come running to supervise.

But yesterday.  Yesterday!  Not only did he tell me (in his way) that he had to go, he GOT OUT OF THE POOL to do so.  His beloved pool! He volunteered!

He came out and grabbed my hand and started pulling me.  My first thought was that he wanted to go to the big pool where Daddy was, but then something made me check for potty.  I said,"Potty, Joshua?" and he said,"Poppy!"  And in this case I knew he was talking about the potty and not my dad.  So we ran in there and success! So proud.

And another concrete story of his recent growth:

Earlier today Joshua walked into my room and I said,"Hi Joshua!"  I'm not expecting anything back necessarily, but always modeling.  Always the one-sided conversation. I know from experience that it's sinking into that little head, even if I may not get anything back for months... years.

BUT.  He responded! Right away!

"Want some juice! Want some hot dog!"

I did a double take.  (Or double listen?)

For a few weeks he has been repeating "Want some juice" really well.  He has requested "juice" on his own for months. We are constantly providing scaffolding to get him to the next level of communication.  So when he says "Juice" we automatically say "Want some juice?".  We don't require him to say it, just let him hear it over and over.  I'm sure the next phase will be "I want some juice".

But the hot dog!  Oh, the hot dog! We have NEVER said the hot dog sentence that I know of.  And certainly not the 150x we've said the juice part. He made the connection on his own! YAAAAY Joshua!

Well, I jumped up and said OK! Juice and hot dog! and ran to the kitchen. Where I discovered we were out of hot dogs.  No, no, no!  I HAD to positively reinforce this big step!  I thought about calling Joe to get some at the store on the way home (not quick enough), cursed the Stephensons a little bit for not being 4 doors down with extra hot dogs, and then thankfully remembered that I had some hot dogs from Costco in the freezer.  Oh, joy of joys!!

Happy Mama, happy boy.  Boy that works so hard everyday; so much harder than most of us to communicate, process and interact.  We are so proud of him.

Oh Dad, Never Change

Many of you have met my Dad.

Don't have a picture of him alone.  So here we are.

And if you have known him for any amount of time you know that he is God-seeking, loving, honest, loyal, humble, generous, disciplined, basketball playing, hardworking, outgoing, and funny.

And when I say outgoing, I mean he has most likely made friends with every person he has ever stood in line next to: airport, post office, grocery store.  He might even find a way to chat up a person in the line for the toll both.

And the funny...well, that's what this post is mostly about.  The man can TELL A STORY.  I mean, really tell a story.  I've been hearing the same stories for years and they just keep getting better.  He has been keeping me in stitches since '86. (As far back as I know)

For years I've been wanting to write down his "sayings". And that's where my Uncle John enters the picture. "Uncle" John has been my dad's best friend since childhood.  Way too many of said stories above involve Uncle John.  These two have created more hijincks together than their moms and wives would care to remember.

(Those four women just nodded and rolled their eyes)

But through the years they have come up with/come across all sorts of sayings.  And the thing is, I'm not sure that anyone knows were Dad ends and Uncle John begins.  And I have to give credit where credit is due.  So, Uncle John, half of this post is dedicated to you.  I love you.

What follows is a list of the things (and some explanations of) I have heard them say over and over again. They make me smile every time.

1. That guy could talk a dog off a meat truck!  (he's convincing)

2. I was sweating like a cat burglar at a highway patrolmen's convention.

3. He's cooler than the other side of the pillow.  (My first memory of this statement was the night Uncle John met future husband Joe)

4. I was busier than a centipede doing a tap dance!!

5. That steak is as tender as my heart.

closely related to-

6. This steak is so tender I don't know how that cow stood up.  (They like steak)

7. We should have a good old fashioned windmill greasin'. (Similar to a barn raising or quilting bee)

8. I was so sore I needed 3 mirrors to see the muscles that hurt. (This was a new one last month after Dad attended an exercise class with me).

9.  That thing is like Six Flags in a box. (Referencing a piece of Ikea-like furniture that needs to be assembled)

10. I'm hungrier than a woodpecker in a steel mill!

11. I'm so tired I could sleep on top of a picket fence.

(#10 and #11 were used most frequently growing up)

12. They folded up like a cheap lawn chair.  (Something that doesn't work; someone that is pretending)

13. He was as erratic as a caffeinated squirrel.

14. That could've been curtains, maybe even DRAPES! (When something almost went horribly wrong)

And really, there are so many more that I can't put my finger on right this second.

But aren't they clever?

Dad and Uncle John in the upper right corner.

Dad, thanks for keeping me laughing all these years.  Laughing is my favorite! I love you so, so, so much.  Happy Father's Day!

xoxo, Ashleigh

p.s. This is also your card.

Me Too

Have you ever taken a leap and shared with someone, a friend or acquaintance, something that you're going through?  You were a little worried about opening yourself up, but took the risk. And the response from the other person?

Me Too.

I think those are some of the best words in the English language.

It could be as simple as, "I can't get my kid to poop on the potty!" to the tricky, "My husband and I are having problems."

Nothing could be more comforting than Me Too.  Someone understands.  You have a comrade in arms.  They may not have any more wisdom than you, any more of an idea of how to climb out of the trench, but what a blessing to find someone that is climbing with you.

It works for all ages:

"That kid at recess is bullying me." Me Too.
"I'm having a hard time with Calculus." Me Too.
"I really want to meet THE ONE." Me Too.
"I'm lonely in this new city." Me Too.
"I don't feel like being a mom today." Me Too.
"I'm so out of shape!". Me Too.
"I have a special needs child." Me Too
"I'm starting to need glasses to read." Me Too.
"My hip hurts." Me too.
"I'm really missing my spouse that has passed." Me Too.

I'm not talking about bringing up a reason to gossip or slander.  But a chance to share, to encourage.  It might be just grieving with one another about a stage of life, or laughing about the same.  Maybe someone has an idea or two about how to help (this is not the time to get all bossy/know-it-all).  A sincere Me Too has been a balm to my soul more times than I can count.  And for me, it usually comes with a big sigh of relief.  A giant exhale.

Although not everyone you come across is going to be a "Me Too." Some people are going to be an "I've Truly Been There."

And here's where I segue into talking about cross-generational friendships. I recently read a fabulous book about the blessing of friendships across all ages and seasons of life by one of my favorite writers/bloggers, Sophie Hudson.

It's called Giddy Up, Eunice.

Here shown with my beloved Ira Glass mug and dying cilantro.

First of all, isn't that just the best title for a book?  That alone made me want to read it.

Through hilarious stories and a few relationships found in the bible, Sophie reminds us that we women need each other.  She shows us why and the how-to.  (It's not that hard or fancy)

A couple of quotes that stuck with me:

"At every age and stage of life, women need other women who will listen, confirm, teach, bless, and pray."

"What we have in common far exceeds any perceived generational differences."

"You can't underestimate the impact of women working together for the good of the generation behind them."

So yes, in-the-same-season-of-life friendships are very important.  But there can be such a richness in having relationships with women that are ahead of us in life, and behind us.

There have been many women in my life that have reached back and unofficially mentored me, been my friend, and truthfully, put up with me during hard times.  I want to give a quick shoutout to those current women in my life, to recognize you and say thank you.  Whether you are 5 years older or 20, you are so precious to me.  Some of you have been at it with me for years and years, some of you for just months.  My mom and Joe's mom, Donnette, are top of the list.  They don't have to be; I can't imagine everyone's mothers are.  But I am so lucky for the way they pour into me.   Abi Byrd and Carole Hernandez for picking me out of the crowd at church and seeing and loving me so well. And last but not least, Mary Bilbo.  Yes you: such an encourager and example. Honorable mention goes to Gail Price and Jane Sumner.  Because I know from our brief times together that if we lived closer this would be our relationship.

I encourage all of you to seek out these types of friendships; there is so much to gain from women who have gone before us: wisdom, encouragement, laughter.  Don't miss out.

And then, as Sophie says in her book, let's not forget the girls behind us either.  Because they need us too.

If you are interested in Giddy Up, you can find it here. You will be so glad you read it.

*Side note: There are many, many wonderful friendships that do no include "Me Too"s.  Obviously.