And He's Off! (An Interview)

An interview with G the night before he went off to Kindergarten:

(published while he's in 5th grade, IT'S FINE)

What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?  Go to the pool

What is Daddy's job?  Work

Who is your best friend?  "A" (Sister)

What is the most fun thing we did in Texas?  Look at dinosaurs at the museum

If you could only keep one toy in your house?  Choo Choos

What thing are you excited for in Kindergarten?  Choice Time

What would you like in your lunch for school?  French fries and a chocolate bar

In Lieu of a Christmas Card

Well, here we meet again on this long-neglected, humble blog a year later.

Our family did some moving on up this year.  Literally.  In elevation.  We moved 30 miles west of our old town, Reston, to our new, tiny, nestled-in-the-hills town, Round Hill.

This area is a much better fit for our family: quieter, slower-paced, a tight-knit community, great schools, and lots of outdoor activities. We already have a sweet, supportive group of friends.  And it's so beautiful, that I'm constantly thinking, "I can't believe I live here."

We are loving our new house and neighborhood.  It is absolutely full of children and families in our stage of life.  There is a fenced in backyard with a trampoline and hammock that gets lots of use in the warm weather, and a big basement with toys and a WiiU for the cold weather.  We sent all three kids to the basement to play after dinner the other night.  It was PURE MAGIC to have that option! (The basement also has a nice guest room and bath for visitors. HINT, HINT.)

The rest of the year will be told in pictures:

(I can't promise they're in order.)

This past weekend at Harpers Ferry, WV.  Our attempt at a nice family photo.

Hiking at our favorite spot, Cool Spring.  We have since moved on to scooters and bikes. 

Another favorite spot- Dirt Farm Brewery.  We're not actually huge beer drinkers, but we love the location, atmosphere and the friends that hang with us there. 

Sister started preschool this year. This is her and G the first day.  It explains their current relationship quite nicely. She loves her school, her stuffed animals, and peanut butter "swamiches".  Sister turned 4 this year and is as sweet and fun as ever.  And sassy.  We turned on the sassy this year.

In addition to becoming a team leader at work, Joe also became the Den Leader of G's Cub Scouts.  The previous den leader owned a winery that he opened up to the Scout families.  Joe does not own a winery, so he is skating by on his charm and good looks with the parents. Joe and G are having a great time together (camping! whittling!) and look oh-so-adorable in their uniforms.

G is thriving in third grade and making lots of new friends in the neighborhood.  Out here he has the opportunity to ride his bike and make forts in the woods. His current great love, though, is Texas A&M football. We couldn't be prouder!

Joshua had a big transition this year when not only did we move houses, but he got a new school, attendant, therapist, and church.  He's done fairly well over all, but there has definitely been a bit of regression from it.  He has learned to ride a scooter very well, plays with Sister and G more often and just today was given a communication device from school.  It's basically an iPad with an app that will talk for him at the beginning, but will also encourage his own speech.  *(Update- he's not sure he has any use for an iPad that only says words) This is him with his attendant, Chris.  They are pretty great together. 

Our school's color run.  We are so enjoying our new school.  We LOVE the teachers and community.  I have been substitute teaching and am really happy to be back in the classroom.

Our previous home church planted a new one in this community a little over a year ago.  Being a church plant, we have had to jump in and serve more (I'm singing again, for goodness' sake), but we are having a great time and wouldn't have it any other way. 

Joshua hanging out on the back of Quin, one of his favorite children's church workers.

I am busy making our new house into a home. Of course I have lots of projects for Joe.  The biggest one so far has been a new, bigger island. It turned out so well and I could not love it more!

 I got to meet up with my dear friends Mary and Betsy in Budapest in February for a few days.  Such a treat!  Thanks again Mom and Joe for making it happen. 

Joe got to visit our Stephensons in Norway on the way home from a work trip.  He had a little bit of fun.

Mostly, we did a lot of this: spending time together, figuring out public outings as a family, and laughing a lot.  

Merry Christmas everyone!  Lots of love from our family to yours in the New Year.

It Isn't Fair

Well, between leaving the month of thanks and entering the Christmas season, I've been getting a little introspective.

Plus, we've had a few rough months with Joshua. We're not sure if it's his normal cycle of huge growth, then plateau, then a bit of regression, repeat, or the fact that he had a huge transition into kindergarten.  But it doesn't matter how many times the cycle plays out, we always get discouraged between times of great strides.

And I think that 2016 has been a rough year for all of us: personally and collectively.  So as the year comes to a close, I have a couple of things for all of us to think about.

Stay with me. Really.

Several months ago a friend and I were lamenting about our sons' (different) special needs and she made the comment that it's not fair that our children deal with such challenges when others don't.  And at the time I agreed. But then I sat on that for awhile and I realized that it's not.  It's not fair that I live in a country where my son has access to therapy and education tailored to his needs.  It's not fair that he was born to parents able to provide for him; grandparents that champion him and spoil him as much as possible; friends and a church family that seek to understand him and love him the way he is.  There are many, many little Moroccan Joshuas that will never have any of those things.

And then, today in church our pastor referenced the passage wherein Jesus tells the Rich Man that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.  I've always considered myself NOT a part of that crowd; the wealthy crowd. But you know what?  I so am.  In fact, almost every person reading this is a part of that crowd.  Wealthy by American standards?  No.  But by the world's standard, I am FILTHY, DRIPPING rich.  Not only do I have a warm home and soft beds for my kids to sleep in, but they have food in their tummies, and I'll be able to buy them presents for Christmas.  I know that for you guys I don't need to list all the facts about world poverty, but if you have any doubts as to how well off you are, go visit worldbank.org.

So, yeah, that isn't fair either.

(I'm not going to go into all of the spiritual implications of the fact that I AM the rich man trying to get into heaven in this post.)

It's pretty much the same call we hear every year from spiritual and secular sources alike: Be Thankful! Tis the Season to Give! Jesus is the Reason for the Season! I guess I want to challenge each of you to look for the wealth in your own life, even when you're struggling month to month. Look for the thing in your life that isn't fair...(not "it isn't fair that I don't have a bigger house", but "it isn't fair that I have health insurance and others don't")

Will this make me a better person?  Not quite. But hopefully little by little during this Christmas season, I will dwell less on myself and the things I want, and more on Christ and serving others.

And you know, it would bless me so, so much if you would comment (on Facebook) the reason your life isn't fair.

P.S. Full disclosure, I totally don't have the upper hand on this situation of being thankful and not wanting more. After I watched our town's tree lighting the other night, I ducked into J.Crew's 40% off sale to buy not just a Christmas present for Joe, but a couple of things for myself.  (Would I be admitting this if not caught by the Borkholder family right outside the door?  Not sure.)

Well, They Left Us (You'll Be back)

The Stephensons pulled out of town earlier this month.  As I processed my anger over them leaving us, Mary liked to remind me that I previously left her.  Yes. I left her in Morocco with full-time house help, a huge house and backyard, and Southern California weather.  Boo hoo.

Us then:

Oh my word, look at those little people. 

When we left them, a tradition of a good-bye performance was established. I hesitate to post this because of my cackling in the background.  It's true. I don't have a lady-like laugh.

Matt serenades us:

We never dreamed in Morocco that we would soon have two years of four doors down from each other.  Such a gift.

Us now:

Joshua's still trying to get out of Joe's arms.

We serenade them:

Perhaps the best part is the children's commentary in the background/Scout's dancing.  And Hamilton fans, did you catch the comment about King George's song?

We love you crazy Stephensons.  Come back to us soon.  

Like really soon.

He's a Bloomin'

That Joshua boy.  He has done some big time blooming and growing in the last couple of months.

There are so many things we take for granted when it comes to early child development.  It's easy to think about in an abstract way, but we are face to face with it everyday watching Joshua and Scout (sister) develop side-by-side.

I've talked about this before, but it constantly amazes us how Scout learns so naturally.  She adds new words everyday.  She imitates us in actions and speech so effortlessly.  I haven't explicitly taught her anything in the way of numbers or colors and yet she observes and is starting to pick them up.  We are so, so grateful for her "normal" development thus far.

We recently potty-trained her.  That "we" being Mom and me.  Joe really lucked out on this one.  He was out of town for work and I had the genius, seriously, genius idea to do the main potty push while I had another adult with me at home all day.  Thanks Mom! And in the weeks following it has been such a huge difference from when we trained Joshua in the fall because SCOUT TELLS ME WHEN SHE NEEDS TO GO. Oh happy day.  It has made the process so much smoother.

Because Joshua has never told us.

We just take him periodically and hope for the best.  A lot of the time at home he will go to the bathroom by himself- we just have to listen for the clang of the toilet seat and come running to supervise.

But yesterday.  Yesterday!  Not only did he tell me (in his way) that he had to go, he GOT OUT OF THE POOL to do so.  His beloved pool! He volunteered!

He came out and grabbed my hand and started pulling me.  My first thought was that he wanted to go to the big pool where Daddy was, but then something made me check for potty.  I said,"Potty, Joshua?" and he said,"Poppy!"  And in this case I knew he was talking about the potty and not my dad.  So we ran in there and success! So proud.

And another concrete story of his recent growth:

Earlier today Joshua walked into my room and I said,"Hi Joshua!"  I'm not expecting anything back necessarily, but always modeling.  Always the one-sided conversation. I know from experience that it's sinking into that little head, even if I may not get anything back for months... years.

BUT.  He responded! Right away!

"Want some juice! Want some hot dog!"

I did a double take.  (Or double listen?)

For a few weeks he has been repeating "Want some juice" really well.  He has requested "juice" on his own for months. We are constantly providing scaffolding to get him to the next level of communication.  So when he says "Juice" we automatically say "Want some juice?".  We don't require him to say it, just let him hear it over and over.  I'm sure the next phase will be "I want some juice".

But the hot dog!  Oh, the hot dog! We have NEVER said the hot dog sentence that I know of.  And certainly not the 150x we've said the juice part. He made the connection on his own! YAAAAY Joshua!

Well, I jumped up and said OK! Juice and hot dog! and ran to the kitchen. Where I discovered we were out of hot dogs.  No, no, no!  I HAD to positively reinforce this big step!  I thought about calling Joe to get some at the store on the way home (not quick enough), cursed the Stephensons a little bit for not being 4 doors down with extra hot dogs, and then thankfully remembered that I had some hot dogs from Costco in the freezer.  Oh, joy of joys!!

Happy Mama, happy boy.  Boy that works so hard everyday; so much harder than most of us to communicate, process and interact.  We are so proud of him.

Oh Dad, Never Change

Many of you have met my Dad.

Don't have a picture of him alone.  So here we are.

And if you have known him for any amount of time you know that he is God-seeking, loving, honest, loyal, humble, generous, disciplined, basketball playing, hardworking, outgoing, and funny.

And when I say outgoing, I mean he has most likely made friends with every person he has ever stood in line next to: airport, post office, grocery store.  He might even find a way to chat up a person in the line for the toll both.

And the funny...well, that's what this post is mostly about.  The man can TELL A STORY.  I mean, really tell a story.  I've been hearing the same stories for years and they just keep getting better.  He has been keeping me in stitches since '86. (As far back as I know)

For years I've been wanting to write down his "sayings". And that's where my Uncle John enters the picture. "Uncle" John has been my dad's best friend since childhood.  Way too many of said stories above involve Uncle John.  These two have created more hijincks together than their moms and wives would care to remember.

(Those four women just nodded and rolled their eyes)

But through the years they have come up with/come across all sorts of sayings.  And the thing is, I'm not sure that anyone knows were Dad ends and Uncle John begins.  And I have to give credit where credit is due.  So, Uncle John, half of this post is dedicated to you.  I love you.

What follows is a list of the things (and some explanations of) I have heard them say over and over again. They make me smile every time.

1. That guy could talk a dog off a meat truck!  (he's convincing)

2. I was sweating like a cat burglar at a highway patrolmen's convention.

3. He's cooler than the other side of the pillow.  (My first memory of this statement was the night Uncle John met future husband Joe)

4. I was busier than a centipede doing a tap dance!!

5. That steak is as tender as my heart.

closely related to-

6. This steak is so tender I don't know how that cow stood up.  (They like steak)

7. We should have a good old fashioned windmill greasin'. (Similar to a barn raising or quilting bee)

8. I was so sore I needed 3 mirrors to see the muscles that hurt. (This was a new one last month after Dad attended an exercise class with me).

9.  That thing is like Six Flags in a box. (Referencing a piece of Ikea-like furniture that needs to be assembled)

10. I'm hungrier than a woodpecker in a steel mill!

11. I'm so tired I could sleep on top of a picket fence.

(#10 and #11 were used most frequently growing up)

12. They folded up like a cheap lawn chair.  (Something that doesn't work; someone that is pretending)

13. He was as erratic as a caffeinated squirrel.

14. That could've been curtains, maybe even DRAPES! (When something almost went horribly wrong)

And really, there are so many more that I can't put my finger on right this second.

But aren't they clever?

Dad and Uncle John in the upper right corner.

Dad, thanks for keeping me laughing all these years.  Laughing is my favorite! I love you so, so, so much.  Happy Father's Day!

xoxo, Ashleigh

p.s. This is also your card.

Me Too

Have you ever taken a leap and shared with someone, a friend or acquaintance, something that you're going through?  You were a little worried about opening yourself up, but took the risk. And the response from the other person?

Me Too.

I think those are some of the best words in the English language.

It could be as simple as, "I can't get my kid to poop on the potty!" to the tricky, "My husband and I are having problems."

Nothing could be more comforting than Me Too.  Someone understands.  You have a comrade in arms.  They may not have any more wisdom than you, any more of an idea of how to climb out of the trench, but what a blessing to find someone that is climbing with you.

It works for all ages:

"That kid at recess is bullying me." Me Too.
"I'm having a hard time with Calculus." Me Too.
"I really want to meet THE ONE." Me Too.
"I'm lonely in this new city." Me Too.
"I don't feel like being a mom today." Me Too.
"I'm so out of shape!". Me Too.
"I have a special needs child." Me Too
"I'm starting to need glasses to read." Me Too.
"My hip hurts." Me too.
"I'm really missing my spouse that has passed." Me Too.

I'm not talking about bringing up a reason to gossip or slander.  But a chance to share, to encourage.  It might be just grieving with one another about a stage of life, or laughing about the same.  Maybe someone has an idea or two about how to help (this is not the time to get all bossy/know-it-all).  A sincere Me Too has been a balm to my soul more times than I can count.  And for me, it usually comes with a big sigh of relief.  A giant exhale.

Although not everyone you come across is going to be a "Me Too." Some people are going to be an "I've Truly Been There."

And here's where I segue into talking about cross-generational friendships. I recently read a fabulous book about the blessing of friendships across all ages and seasons of life by one of my favorite writers/bloggers, Sophie Hudson.

It's called Giddy Up, Eunice.

Here shown with my beloved Ira Glass mug and dying cilantro.

First of all, isn't that just the best title for a book?  That alone made me want to read it.

Through hilarious stories and a few relationships found in the bible, Sophie reminds us that we women need each other.  She shows us why and the how-to.  (It's not that hard or fancy)

A couple of quotes that stuck with me:

"At every age and stage of life, women need other women who will listen, confirm, teach, bless, and pray."

"What we have in common far exceeds any perceived generational differences."

"You can't underestimate the impact of women working together for the good of the generation behind them."

So yes, in-the-same-season-of-life friendships are very important.  But there can be such a richness in having relationships with women that are ahead of us in life, and behind us.

There have been many women in my life that have reached back and unofficially mentored me, been my friend, and truthfully, put up with me during hard times.  I want to give a quick shoutout to those current women in my life, to recognize you and say thank you.  Whether you are 5 years older or 20, you are so precious to me.  Some of you have been at it with me for years and years, some of you for just months.  My mom and Joe's mom, Donnette, are top of the list.  They don't have to be; I can't imagine everyone's mothers are.  But I am so lucky for the way they pour into me.   Abi Byrd and Carole Hernandez for picking me out of the crowd at church and seeing and loving me so well. And last but not least, Mary Bilbo.  Yes you: such an encourager and example. Honorable mention goes to Gail Price and Jane Sumner.  Because I know from our brief times together that if we lived closer this would be our relationship.

I encourage all of you to seek out these types of friendships; there is so much to gain from women who have gone before us: wisdom, encouragement, laughter.  Don't miss out.

And then, as Sophie says in her book, let's not forget the girls behind us either.  Because they need us too.

If you are interested in Giddy Up, you can find it here. You will be so glad you read it.

*Side note: There are many, many wonderful friendships that do no include "Me Too"s.  Obviously.

Three On the Run

When I was a kid, my mom would tape* random Walt Disney movies for us to watch and re-watch later. While on a walk this week with my 3, I thought of that title and that it probably applied here.  I can't remember who the 3 were, and what or whom they were running from, but the title "Three on the Run*" will always be stuck in my head along with "Runaway Elephant", The Shaggy Dog Adventures, and "The Moonspinners".

It was the first time I've taken all 3 kids on a walk by myself.  Oh man, that sounds yuck.  Or at least it feels yuck to me.  I've basically been waiting for Baby A (hereafter known as "Scout", Joe's nickname for her), to be old enough to follow along with the crowd with minimal help from me.  Because my other friend, Joshua, age 5, still needs a lot of attention in this department.  He's going to zig, zag, sit down in the middle of plants, run, jump and maybe get out into the street.

But now Scout rides a balance bike.  Like a boss, I might add. And can follow G on his scooter.  So that frees me up to walk holding Joshua's hand.  We stayed in our little neighborhood and didn't go far, but it was a good first outing.

And even though it was a successful walk, it still made me sad. Joshua was happy to be the only one holding my hand and walking with me, but I could tell a part of him wanted to be riding something too.  It's not for lack of trying: we've bought him his own scooter and tried him on the balance bike, but he just can't focus long enough OR doesn't have the skills to ride anything yet.  Not sure which.

It's kind of like when all the kids (including the Stephensons) are playing chase or wrestling and he stands on the outside giggling and looking with longing.  He desperately wants to be included but just doesn't have the skills to jump in and play with them.  And when I say "skills" I'm not talking about running or jumping; I mean the social skills to join in. He can do it if we facilitate, which we usually do, and then he blends right in and has a blast.

And so on walks like this, I start getting down that all of my children can't just jump on their scooters and sail off together.  That Scout isn't trying to keep up with 2 brothers instead of just the 1.  That G doesn't have a sibling peer. That there are many activities that I sub-consciously keep in an absolute no-go category.

Wallow, wallow, wallow.

Always back here.  It's a constant battle to instead remember all the reasons I'm grateful for our family just the way it is, and Joshua just the way he is.  Because I truly am. Our family is the perfect one that God has given us and I trust His plan for us WAY more than I trust mine.

But speaking of running, did you ever have a time when one of your children escaped out into the neighborhood buck naked?  Without you knowing?  I'm guessing I'm not the only one here...please?? I was upstairs getting dressed the other morning when a neighbor of mine hollered from downstairs, "Ashleigh, Joshua's at the playground!"  Bless her heart, she didn't mention the naked part.  He's never been one to leave the house.  Or I should say, my house.  He left Mary's recently and her adrenaline still hasn't recovered from it.

Anyhow, I ran out there and he had already made it to the top of the playground equipment (it's across the parking lot and down a sidewalk).  And clearly thought the whole situation was hilarious.  He slid down the slide, I caught him and marched him back home.  And made a resolution that we were done with nakedness; even in the house.  (We got into this habit while potty training)

What struck me was that I wasn't so upset that I had "lost" him, this happens with some regularity as he is quiet and quick,  but I was embarrassed that he was naked in front of the whole neighborhood.  MOTHER OF THE YEAR, people.

So happy weekend, we're locked up tight around here.  NO ESCAPEES!

Scout on her bike.

Joshua CLOTHED at the playground.

*side note 1: Does anyone else my age or older still use the word "tape" when referring to recording something?

*side note 2: My curiosity got the best of me and I looked it up: something to do with dog sledding.

I Don't Really Have A Title

I think I maybe, just may be, am thinking about, considering, believing I may be able to start blogging again.

The main reason is this:

I FINISHED RENEWING MY TEACHING LICENSE.  This has been no small feat for an unemployed teacher who has been at home for 7 years.  It was blood, sweat, tears, and a lot of my own money.  And really, it took up any time I had to sit down at the computer.

*Side note 1: I was going to include a picture of the certificate here. But I honestly have no idea how to blur out all the personal information.  And don't want to take the time to figure it out.

*Side note 2: I have no immediate plans to return to teaching, but have worked too hard passing all those licensure tests in Texas, South Carolina and then Virginia to give up my certification.  You will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.

So here we are.  (Let's not think about the fact that I have to do it again in 5 years) (And especially not think about the fact that G will be 12 the next time I do this).

Honestly, I'm not sure where to start.  Except one story about Joshua comes immediately to mind.

His spontaneous speech has continued to improve and he routinely uses words to request things he wants: juice, cracker, chips, bar, open and....shower.  He LOVES to take showers. At times it's even his coping mechanism.  If he's playing the iPad and it runs out of battery he'll cry for a minute and then walk straight to the shower.

The other night I was upstairs getting ready to go to our church's evening service.  He came in the room, looked me straight in the eye and in his growly little deep voice said, "Shower."

Me: Not right now sweetie, we're about to go to church.
Joshua: (still looking deeply in my eyes) Shower.
Me: Joshua, we're going to church.  No shower.
Joshua: Shower.
Me: All done with shower.  After church.
Joshua: Shower.
Me:OK. Shower. But real quick!!!

At speech therapy the other day.

It's hard to find the right balance of affirming/rewarding his communication and saying no, because we don't have time to take a shower or he's already had 50 chips or 5 cookies.  But we're so proud of him.

Baby (Toddler) A is quite the hoot these days!  She's even been trying to sneak in the word "Mom" here and there.  I keep telling her I only answer to "Mommy" or "Mama".

The winter was not as long nor as dark for our family (or DC) as it has been the last 2 years, so that was such a relief.  However, I feel that "Spring" is getting us back with its wet and cold.  At least it's beautiful outside and we can slip out for walks and the playground here and there.

Throwing rocks into the pond behind our house.  Notice the rain boots. Also, Joshua has a nice follow through.

I picked up a free double jogging stroller with huge wheels on the side of the road the other night. We have one already, but Joshua is WAY too heavy to push up hills; the wheels just aren't big enough. But with my current love of walking, it's nice to be able to take the 2 littles out with me. Bonus: Joshua has to spend time sitting really close to Baby A, so it's like tolerance therapy!

The other major happening around here is that we are gearing up for our dear Stephensons to leave us. They head back overseas this summer and it will be a huge change for all of us.  I try not to think about it too often because it makes me ill.  It will be a new era for sure.  (Also, I'm going to have to start cooking for my family again Every. Single. Night. What is up with that?!)

So that's it.  I always have trouble ending these things, so I may try a new strategy:

The End.

The Christmas Card Round-Up

Well, here it is folks: the only picture of the entire family looking at the camera that was captured this year.



We are at a roadside cranberry bog in Cape Cod.  When I say roadside, I mean we looked for one near us on the map, pulled up next to it, and asked the men harvesting if we could walk around and look if we promised not to touch anything (oh, outings with children).  I would love to say that I'll get around to writing about our fall trip to the Cape, but my track record this year says don't hold your breath.  I'll just say it was a borderline magical time.  (Again, thanks Janie and Big!)

Anyhow, I had Mary snap a few shots real quick because the previous day's attempt to snap a family photo in a picturesque spot yielded only this:



And here's grace- I didn't even plan our color coordinated outfits in the bog picture.  (Not that I coordinated our outfits in this picture either.  Please don't think I approve of G's T-shirt/fleece vest/track pants combo.)

Anyhow, here's what we've been up to this year:

Joe and Me:

Oh, you know, surviving.  Just kidding.  Sort of.  We did a whole lot of thriving too.  Joe did some great furniture projects: an incredible farm table with bench, plus a table and chairs for the playroom. He also took up the guitar.  Joe has been meaning to do this since college (because it seems the ladies love a Christian guy that can play a few worship songs on the guitar).  I don't think that is his current reason for playing and it's been really fun for all of us.  I have dabbled alongside on the ukelele, but am not near as disciplined as Joe.  I can still only eke out a few chords. My other main activity this year has been working out on a regular basis.  In the Spring I started attending group fitness classes at my gym and it has CHANGED MY LIFE.  Or at least my workout life. I look forward to going to the gym, I actually GO consistently, I workout way harder than I ever would on my own, and I am in the best shape I've been in since high school.  Not saying I LOOK like I did in high school. Mercy. Anyhow, to the moms out there thinking about joining a gym in the new year- find one that has good child care and GO TO A CLASS.  I take boot camp type classes and cardio kickboxing, but any class will do.  And it's a great outing for the kiddos.

G (6):

Well, as you can tell from this picture, orthodontia is in our near future.  Bless his heart, between Joe and I his teeth never had a chance.  Neither did his lungs.  But I digress. He's in first grade and really enjoys school.  You will rarely meet a more social kid in your life.  If he has to go a day without playing with his friends it is ROUGH.  It often involves weeping and gnashing of teeth.   You know, sackcloth, ashes, the whole bit.  His favorite thing right now, by far, is Pokemon.  Good grief.  The neighborhood kids introduced him and since then every single allowance dollar has been spent on Pokemon cards.  We can't understand it, but I guess there are worse things.  He also loves scootering, baseball, spaghetti, and his sister.  

Joshua (4):

Looking at cranberries.

At the beginning of this year our therapist predicted that big things would happen for Joshua between the ages of 4 and 5.  Namely, we hoped he would potty train and make huge strides in his expressive language.  In the middle of last year's winter both of those things seemed impossible.  At the end of the summer it still seemed highly unlikely.  But something changed this fall.  He decided he didn't want to use a diaper any more and between school and home working together he has potty trained.  What a joy to not change a 4.5 year old's diapers any more!!!

Even greater, he has decided to start talking in the last month.  What??!!!  Who is this boy? It is such a huge change, I can barely describe to it.  He is able to tell us with one or two words what he wants, be prompted to say almost anything, and is WAY more interactive.  Plus, he is able to show us what he knows and we (home, school, therapy) have all been shocked to learn how much! He knows all his letters and their sounds, his numbers, shapes, and his colors. He can identify at least a few sight words in books plus his name and again, colors.  Because of his communication we have had FAR less tantrums.  This change in him has been such a gift: we are thrilled for him and yet feel undeserving on our end of things.

Baby A (2):

Oh, this girl.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again: she is such a gift.  I'm sure there has never been a more precious child.  She recently turned two and is just at the most fun stage.  Lots of new words and lots of opinions.  Baby A continues to be laid back, happy, fairly obedient and is a BIG TIME Mama's girl.  Her brothers ("Bubba" and "Jahwah") are the light of her life, even though "Jahwah" (Joshua) still doesn't give her the time of day.  The highlight of her day is going to get the boys off the bus. Other favorites are Mickey ("Key"), Thomas the Train ("Nomas"), baby doll with stroller, talking in general, and anything someone else is currently playing with.  We love having a little girl in the family and I can tell that G is (im)patiently waiting for her to be a bit older so they can really play. 

A big KUDOS for those of you that have made it this far.  Merry, merry Christmas! Thanks for being a part of our lives this and every year.  

Broken

Well, there I was in Cardio Kickboxing class.  I take classes 3 mornings a week at my gym, and this one is by far my least favorite.  But I take it because I love the instructor and know it's good for my body.

(Side note: Actually, Mary and I borderline worship this instructor.  We have discussed how we're afraid that if she told us to run and jump off a cliff we probably would.)

On the best of days it takes all of my physical energy and mental focus to get through the hour long class.  The first time I ever attended I was, no joke, seeing black spots before the WARM UP was even finished.  But a couple of weeks ago we did a series of moves/kicks that I just could not do.  It was fast, it was new, and it involved switching my body weight from one side to the other in a strange way. (Didn't that make sense?) Looking around, I'm pretty sure I was the only one struggling with it.  That's nothing new and frankly doesn't bother me. But not only could I not make my body do the move,  it started making me dizzy and a little nauseous.

And then.  And then I realized I was experiencing a tiny tiny bit of what it's like to be Joshua.  Except that's his every day, all day.  His whole life. His brain and body are struggling to make connections and pathways that the rest of us do effortlessly. And then I really got sick and ran out of the class sobbing.

I stood out in the hallway of the gym completely broken.

Grieving for his frustration, his struggles.  Thinking about how hard he works everyday to communicate, to learn. Crying for how much I love him. I was undone.

But it was good.  Brokenness is good.  Because it is after we are broken that God can come in and put us back together in a different, better way.  He is re-shaping my heart for Joshua and I desperately need that.  Because all too often I am frustrated with Joshua and how he's behaving.  And I needed a little taste of what it's like to be him so that I can hopefully be more gracious.

A little Joshua update, he is rounding the corner of being potty-trained.  We are oh so proud of him! He is also doing a lot better responding to his name and mimicking sounds and words.  My relationship with Joshua is the best it has been since Baby A was born and I am so grateful for that.

Hope to be back with another post soon.  Way too many things piling up and Baby A turns 2 this month for goodness sakes.

Living Next Door to Close Friends: A How To

Tonight I'm sitting in my living room writing while Joe, Matt and G play an assortment of guitars/mandolin in the background. Well, it might be generous to use the word "play" in regard to Grayson and his guitar, but it's very sweet nonetheless.



The Stephenson gang: Matt, Mary, Carolyn, William and Thomas have been living 4 doors down from us for almost a year.  In townhouse speak, that's right on top of one another.  And it has been such a gift. How else do you spontaneously end up playing tunes together on a work night after the kids are in bed? Or only cook 4 nights a week, because your compatriot cooks the others? And best of all, have a 10 pm backyard sledding party?

Recently a few of our friends have wondered how this can work.  How can you live so closely and be so intimately involved in each other's lives and remain good friends?

What follows is a primer on how we do it.  Because like any relationship worth having, it does take some work.  However, during our 24 hour road trip a few weeks ago, Mary and I discussed the ins and outs of it all and were amazed to see how God has orchestrated things for our good.

1. Grace: When you see someone every day you're going to see the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Along with laughing, you're going to be annoyed, and disappointed, whether with an adult or with a child.  We all need an extra dose of grace for one another and just like God's mercies are new every morning, we all get to start over with each other in the morning too.  It's important to always think the best of people: chances are that if you chose these friends in the first place, they would NEVER do anything to hurt you on purpose.  So be quick to forgive and be thankful that they are so forgiving towards you as well.

2. Communication: We have a running joke about communication around here and the route it takes and doesn't take.  (Don't worry, I'm not going to name any names Matt and Mary)  But truly, communication is so important.  Whether it's what we're eating for dinner, who is babysitting at what time or how you FEEL about something.  And listen, if you're spending this much time with people, you're going to have to say some hard things.  It's not fun, nobody wants to, it's really awkward and there might be tears.  But if you're going to get to the good stuff and really be family it's going to be required at some point.  Here are a couple of tips for these conversations:  have them in the car- it's a lot easier when you're not staring each other in the face OR do it over drinks. Seriously.  (No drinks in the car) And watch your tone!

4. Parenting: This is tricky. No matter how similar your beliefs, personalities, and humor, there are bound to be differences in your parenting. Instead of judging how you would do things differently (as if your parenting is the end all), cheer one another on.  Share your struggles on the dark days and show your support.  When you live next door, your children will be raised like siblings.  i.e. there will be lots of bickering.  Mary and I especially, being home all day, have found it very helpful to communicate with each other about correcting "the group";  what we're comfortable with the other person doing with our child, and what we think is/isn't working.  It can be such a joy and comfort to have your friends right there in the trenches of childrearing with you.

Carolyn and Baby A at the grocery store.

William and G on a hike.

5. Don't Double the Work: I love to plan meals and cook.  Mary doesn't.  Mary loves to do art and science experiments with the kids.  I DO NOT.  We are so thankful to have each other to lighten the load throughout the week.  Who says you can't have dinner together 4 times a week?  That's one less kitchen to clean and someone is getting a break!  Plus, you eat things that aren't necessarily in your own rotation.  Mary makes a mean pizza.  And I cook red meat for Matt (Mary only deals in poultry).  We are convinced that cooking in bulk saves money. We also give each other breaks.  If I'm running errands with only Baby A, I'll grab Carolyn or William to come with me.  Mary routinely takes Joshua to her house so that I can have some down time.  For you and your friend, it might be driving the carpool or going to Costco for both families.  Whatever it is, figure it out.  This has to be one of our favorite things about living close.

Dinnertime.

6. Other friends: You still need 'em.  Yes, it's so much easier to hang out with someone next door, but it's important to continue to cultivate other friendships.  First of all, you're going to need a break from each other.  Second, every friendship is unique and sharpens us in different ways. And I don't know about you, but I need lots of sharpening.  So even though you feel like you're going out of the way to plan ahead and drive across town, it's totally worth it.

In conclusion, do this! Life has been so much richer having friends close by to do daily life with.  And an absolute necessity if you don't have family nearby.  Do I think it's crazy to go out of your way move to be near your friends? NO!  Would I do it again? YES!

We love you crazy Stephensons!  Thanks for putting up with us. (And don't ever leave)

We are clearly NOT of the selfie generation.  Cannot get our act together.

Oops, where's Mary?

Where's Ashleigh?

There.  Except Matt and Joe look a little too cozy.  But I guess that's what happen when one climbs into the lap of the other.

What's Joshua Like?

I think upon hearing the word "autism" one can immediately have a certain picture in their head.  At least I used to.  But all people on the spectrum are different.  And while talking to my counselor recently, I realized that she (and probably others) has the wrong idea about what Joshua is like. So today, I'm going to tell you all about him. And I think it's going to challenge your view of these kids.

From birth, Joe and I have always described Joshua as laid back. He still is.

See?  Right there.  You weren't expecting that.  I wouldn't either.  I know that doesn't square with all of my talk about his fierce tantrums.  But really, those are just a small, small portion of his life.

He has always been very happy-go-lucky with lots of smiles and laughter.  Like G (and unlike Baby A), he is a snuggler.  Today we spent about 30 minutes with him laying against me on the bed while I read and he played iPad. He loves to be tickled and thrown around. He's quiet a lot of the time because he doesn't really talk, but can go through periods during the day with LOTS of loud, happy outbursts.  More and more these outbursts are words:  "Yucky!" "Yes!" "Jaaaahsh" (Josh) "Mickey!" "1-2-3!", etc. He wakes up at 5:45 am every morning and runs down the hall towards our room saying "Daddeee! Daddeee!"

Joshua LOVES to play with his siblings and other kids.  He doesn't have the skills to do it on his own, but when we facilitate he can play a mean game of chase or wrestle. And actually he has been reciprocating with William (age 2) lately.

He can now get in his car seat, has been opening the front door (oh dear), and is getting much better about sticking near us in public. They call him "Joshie" at school and he loves it there. He loves to be outside and will walk anywhere holding your hand. He has always, always been drawn to music and I can't wait for the day that he can pick up an instrument. He has deep connections with those he is in a relationship with. When he wants to, he makes STELLAR eye contact. And as Mary says, it's like he looks into your soul with those big blue eyes.

He is comfortable with new people.  If you engage with him, he's cool with you.

His favorite thing to watch right now is the Kids TV 123 channel on YouTube. It is full of educational songs, simply illustrated, and some with catchy tunes. Actually, all 3 kids like it.  Besides Mickey Mouse, it's the one "show" they agree on.  Joshua has been singing along to many of these songs and repeating words from them at random times.  Most memorably, "Yucky! Yucky! Yucky!" all through church.

We always tell him he's going to get by in life on his good looks.



We have been doing some potty training.  And I use the term "training" very loosely. There is no underwear involved and it's all very laid back.  Basically, we sit him on the potty with the iPad several times a day.  Sometimes he does some business, sometimes he doesn't.  If he does, we make a big deal and he gets a few m&ms.  If he doesn't, we just get him off and put his diaper back on.  We started the process because, without going into detail, he started showing some signs that maybe he was done wearing a diaper.  The difficult part is communication...because he's not great at it...doesn't see the value in it a lot of the time. If he is regularly using the potty by the fall, we will start the hard core portion of training, with his teacher leading it from school.

We're working on starting ABA therapy with Joshua. It's complicated to explain, but it is one of the only medically proven therapies to help people on the autism spectrum.  Joshua already receives some ABA therapy at school, but we (and his other therapists/teachers) believe he would REALLY REALLY benefit from a more intensive approach: one on one, several hours a week. The hard part is that it is cost prohibitive without insurance.  We do pay for some therapy out of pocket, but ABA is thousands a month and that is just not possible.  Interestingly, most of the states mandate that insurance companies must cover autism therapy.  However, Blue Cross (and most other federal government providers) realized they didn't have to provide coverage because they aren't a state, so they DON'T.  Shady, but true. We believe there is one insurance option for us that will help pay, but of course we won't be able to get started until January 1st.  We're thankful for advocacy groups like Autism Speaks, without whom I doubt any insurance companies would cover therapy for children on the spectrum.

In the meantime we're hoping to hire a local special ed grad student out of George Mason to hang out with Joshua a couple of days a week.  This will accomplish a few things: another person for Joshua to interact with, someone with knowledge in the field to work with him, and it gives Joe and I a little bit of a break.

If you haven't met Joshua in person, I really hope you do some day.  He is a joy.

The Cape

Listen, I have no business referring to Cape Cod as "The Cape".  That is surely reserved for people who live there and/or those like Mary who have spent their growing up years vacationing on the island.  I have now been there once.  But, OH did I love it.  I mean, I really, really loved it. And as Joe keeps telling everyone, I have practically planned out the next 30 years of our family vacations there, so I'm using it.  The Cape!

Mary's family owns a cottage on Cape Cod that has been handed down for generations. It is New England old ramshackle, cedar shingle covered cottage perfection.  Old wallpaper, uneven floors, antiques everywhere, original kitchen perfection.  You know the smell of an old house?  To me it's a great smell, so homey.  It had that.  Her parents were up there staying for a couple of weeks so Mary and I left the big kids with the Dads and took the babies with us for a long weekend on the Cape.

The drive should have been about 8-9 hours with stops for the kids.  And I don't know how it happened, but in BOTH directions we made navigational errors that resulted in a 12 hour drive.  We can't even be trusted with a GPS.  However, on the way back, we did end up driving through the most delightful little town just north of New York City, Mount Kisco, (not to be confused with Mount Crisco.  I know, I'm hilarious) and also saw MOST of the Connecticut countryside.  On accident. I didn't realize CT was so hilly/mountainous.  It was gorgeous.

And you know what?  Mary and I NEVER get to have un-interrupted conversations, so even being in the car for 12 hours without most of the kids was a joy.  We drove through all sorts of cities on the eastern seaboard that I had previously thought were small towns.  New Haven (where Yale is), huge place, with a downtown skyline and everything.  Same with Mystic and Bridgeport, among others.   It tickled me to no end to pass through Rhode Island and Massachusetts as I've always been fascinated with New England.

Cape Cod itself was wonderful.  Let us not forget that Dawson's Creek, though filmed in NC, was set on Cape Cod.  And I never understood how the kids were always walking everywhere.  But now I do.  There are small towns/villages everywhere around the island and so many of them are walkable.  The place we stayed was one block off of the town's main strip.  All day long we could pop up the street within 5 minutes or less to grab a coffee or lunch or visit the boutiques.  The rest of the time was spent walking the neighborhoods or to the beach or sitting on the big screened in porch and gabbing.  I tell you, I didn't realize how uptight my body has felt recently until I was completely relaxed up there.  I had my first lobster, first clam chowder, and first true outdoor shower.  We read, played with the kids, enjoyed the cool breezes and did what could be described as "nothing".  It was marvelous. And on Sunday morning, as the hour of going home drew closer, I could feel my body starting to tighten up again.  Ugh.

Early morning snuggles with Mary.

Being entertained by Big (Mary's Dad) 

A was so happy to spend hours playing on the porch. 

Sweet time with my girl.  Not matching on purpose.

In nearby Chatham

YUM

 Janie and Big: I can't thank you enough for this weekend.  It was such a gift. Mary, thanks for sharing your parents and letting me tag along.  Joe and Matt: Thank y'all for the time away and for wrangling the rest of the crew.  I can't say this will be a one time thing.  (Love ya!)

And to my dear Cape Cod, I'll see you in October.  xoxo