Friday, June 17, 2016

Oh Dad, Never Change

Many of you have met my Dad.

Don't have a picture of him alone.  So here we are.

And if you have known him for any amount of time you know that he is God-seeking, loving, honest, loyal, humble, generous, disciplined, basketball playing, hardworking, outgoing, and funny.

And when I say outgoing, I mean he has most likely made friends with every person he has ever stood in line next to: airport, post office, grocery store.  He might even find a way to chat up a person in the line for the toll both.

And the funny...well, that's what this post is mostly about.  The man can TELL A STORY.  I mean, really tell a story.  I've been hearing the same stories for years and they just keep getting better.  He has been keeping me in stitches since '86. (As far back as I know)

For years I've been wanting to write down his "sayings". And that's where my Uncle John enters the picture. "Uncle" John has been my dad's best friend since childhood.  Way too many of said stories above involve Uncle John.  These two have created more hijincks together than their moms and wives would care to remember.

(Those four women just nodded and rolled their eyes)

But through the years they have come up with/come across all sorts of sayings.  And the thing is, I'm not sure that anyone knows were Dad ends and Uncle John begins.  And I have to give credit where credit is due.  So, Uncle John, half of this post is dedicated to you.  I love you.

What follows is a list of the things (and some explanations of) I have heard them say over and over again. They make me smile every time.

1. That guy could talk a dog off a meat truck!  (he's convincing)

2. I was sweating like a cat burglar at a highway patrolmen's convention.

3. He's cooler than the other side of the pillow.  (My first memory of this statement was the night Uncle John met future husband Joe)

4. I was busier than a centipede doing a tap dance!!

5. That steak is as tender as my heart.

closely related to-

6. This steak is so tender I don't know how that cow stood up.  (They like steak)

7. We should have a good old fashioned windmill greasin'. (Similar to a barn raising or quilting bee)

8. I was so sore I needed 3 mirrors to see the muscles that hurt. (This was a new one last month after Dad attended an exercise class with me).

9.  That thing is like Six Flags in a box. (Referencing a piece of Ikea-like furniture that needs to be assembled)

10. I'm hungrier than a woodpecker in a steel mill!

11. I'm so tired I could sleep on top of a picket fence.

(#10 and #11 were used most frequently growing up)

12. They folded up like a cheap lawn chair.  (Something that doesn't work; someone that is pretending)

13. He was as erratic as a caffeinated squirrel.

14. That could've been curtains, maybe even DRAPES! (When something almost went horribly wrong)

And really, there are so many more that I can't put my finger on right this second.

But aren't they clever?

Dad and Uncle John in the upper right corner.

Dad, thanks for keeping me laughing all these years.  Laughing is my favorite! I love you so, so, so much.  Happy Father's Day!

xoxo, Ashleigh

p.s. This is also your card.

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