Monday, March 23, 2015

Joshua, Part Six

Part 1 Here
Part 2 Here
Part 3 Here
Part 4 Here
Part 5 Here

The reason I started writing these posts was for others.  When I said I don't talk about this stuff, I really meant it.  Sweet friends and family members ask often how Joshua is, or how they can pray for us and 9 times out of 10 I give a VERY short answer.  Not because I don't want them to know or understand what's going on with him, but because I'm exhausted.  You would have to catch me at just the right time to get the goods.  And I don't like that at all!

You see, for some reason it is enormously taxing to really discuss all of this.  My thoughts, feelings, questions, and even what he's up to these days.  And I know I HAVE to talk about it with someone.  But I spend that energy with Joe, and with my longtime counselor, Gail.  (God bless her)  I also talk some with cousins and dear friends of mine that have a son Joshua's age on the spectrum.  I'm pretty sure my priorities are right on this one.  However, when I recently realized the lack of information out there, I knew I needed to fill everyone else in.  People investing in our lives should know what's up.  We desire to live in community with others, whether near or far. And we want to hear the good, along with the hard things that our friends are walking through.

But here's the thing, I KEEP writing for me.  After writing the first post a week or so ago I came away feeling really free.  Really, really good.  The process of thinking through our journey and writing it out has been so therapeutic.  I was surprised- I had never experienced that through writing.

But I'll take it.

Also, I am desperate to learn something through this.  I believe that trials are the catalyst for maturity and wisdom.  Not to mention humility and hopefully a kinder heart. Since I've been in survival mode for two years I haven't felt like I've been able to pinpoint what I'm learning, but hope through the writing process, I will.

And of course the messages, texts, emails and prayers from y'all for our boy and us have been so, so encouraging.  It is so appreciated and we are feeling dearly loved. Thank you for reading.

You're too cute.  Stop it.
I'm feeling bad that I haven't mentioned Joe and where he is in all of this.  It's a little overdue, because he is the real hero in this situation.  He is the one who is endlessly patient with Joshua....and me.  Oh, and I need the patience.  And the grace.  Joe is constantly thinking of ways to teach Joshua, play with him, pray for him more specifically.  I don't think it's any coincidence that Joshua's only spontaneous word so far is "Daddy."  As for me, Joe looks for new ways to serve me, take more off my plate, and encourage me.  There is no question that I'm receiving the better end of this deal. Don't get me wrong, he is human too, and I know he gets frustrated and discouraged, but he has stepped up to the plate in a beautiful way for this family.

I'll pick back up Wednesday with our return back to the States and our new normal.

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