Thursday, May 7, 2015


A few months ago my counselor asked me how I felt towards God regarding Joshua's diagnosis.  In other words, was I upset with God for the challenges we face with Joshua?

In a word, no.

Since I became a Christian in high school, I have been very thankful to have the belief that everything that comes my way is sifted through the hand of God. Thankful, because all things have a purpose in the greater plan of my life.  And as I've mentioned once, or a thousand times before, I believe our challenges help us grow.  So I can have peace about Joshua knowing that the sovereign hand of God rests on him.

But just because I have peace about the situation doesn't mean there hasn't been grief, hurt and insecurity.

The insecurity is what I really want to talk about.

I think all parents, at some point, doubt their ability to raise their children well.  And parents of a special needs child, even more so.  I can't tell you how often I just feel at a loss to meet his needs. The lack of skills to teach him.  The lack of intelligence to sort through the research. The emotional strength to keep going during a hard day.  But here's the truth that I have to remember:

God chose ME to be Joshua's mother.  Me.  And there is nothing more encouraging than that.

When I am dealing with a tantrum, or he's biting me out of frustration, or I'm sick with worry about his future and feel completely incapable of being his mom, I remember that I was chosen. Our family was chosen, his brother and sister were chosen.

And I get to witness the little miracles sprinkled throughout his week.  Like this morning at the bus stop he walked over to a sign with house numbers on it and proceeded to point at each number and say its name.  (WHAT?!) I also get the kisses.  The giggles.  The deep, long looks in the eyes.  The squealing excitement when we play together.

So even though I don't always feel up to the challenge, it is a true honor and joy to be Joshua's mom.

I encourage all of you moms to remember that you were chosen as well.  God picked you just for your child.  Yes, that one that you just found playing in the toilet.  The same one that only wants you when they are hurt or scared or excited.  And they are so, so lucky to have you.

 Happy Mother's Day to you and to me!

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